A Zafu, A Pile of Books, & A Cheshire Grin

The only difference between me and a self-righteous asshole is that I’m just fuckin’ around. The only difference between me and someone who’s totally bonkers is none.  I admit, I had expectations when I began practicing. I expected to become some kind of quiet, warm, easy-breezy wise man. Instead, what’s been uncovered is some kind […]

Balancing the Scales: Guanyin, Meditation, & Bipolar Disorder

Sometimes, I forget that I have bipolar disorder. Sometimes the shifts and swings are so gradual and nuanced, so smoothed out by practice that I don’t even notice them. Other times, well, they’re front and center. They rampage, they grip me like a vice. Monday night was great. I was up, I felt so energized […]

Comparisons

We can’t define ourselves, others, and life based on comparisons because there’s always another side to it that calls BS. Even my lifelong depression takes a hit when I ask, “Depressed compared to what? Anxious compared to what?”

Who am I when I suspend these comparisons? What do I feel? What do I want? Am I suddenly a happy, handsome, famous writer? No, but suddenly that isn’t as important anymore. But not important compared to what?