“All right,” I said in my head, a soft bedrock of tranquility supporting my resolve, “take me.” I’d been fighting my afflictions for years; resisting them, decorating them, and ignoring them. The struggle against my sorrows has aged me. I’m 32, but I look and feel ten years older. The one thing I’d never tried—the […]
“I will let go with both hands for then I shall surely find the Buddha in my mind.” – Huangbo I’ve been around, and it hasn’t gotten me anywhere. No matter how far I sail, the wind always pushes me back to the spot I started from. I’ve studied everything I can, and that’s only […]
The only difference between me and a self-righteous asshole is that I’m just fuckin’ around. The only difference between me and someone who’s totally bonkers is none. I admit, I had expectations when I began practicing. I expected to become some kind of quiet, warm, easy-breezy wise man. Instead, what’s been uncovered is some kind […]
“You should reach your goal with no more effort than the wind needs to scatter a handful of dust into the air.” – Buddha Meditation is not supposed to require a tremendous amount of effort. What takes effort is getting orientated—mustering up the diligence to practice for oneself and all beings, and finding the meditation […]
Roaring through crisp infinity—the timer bell. I bowed and looked at the clock: a 25 minute sit.
The Awakened Mind doesn’t have a story.
A huatou is a question that we’re trying to answer without the intellect. It’s like a koan, but sexier. Huatou practice depends on Great Trust, Great Doubt, and Great Determination.
All the world’s adrift, like an empty boat on an endless sea. And not just the world. Galaxies. Universes. Cells. Even black holes. All that moves in time and space. It’s not a wild drift. It turns like a clock face, perpetuating an uninterrupted cycle of rise, stabilize, decline, dissolve and re-arising. Inside and out […]
Sometimes, I forget that I have bipolar disorder. Sometimes the shifts and swings are so gradual and nuanced, so smoothed out by practice that I don’t even notice them. Other times, well, they’re front and center. They rampage, they grip me like a vice. Monday night was great. I was up, I felt so energized […]
We can’t define ourselves, others, and life based on comparisons because there’s always another side to it that calls BS. Even my lifelong depression takes a hit when I ask, “Depressed compared to what? Anxious compared to what?”
Who am I when I suspend these comparisons? What do I feel? What do I want? Am I suddenly a happy, handsome, famous writer? No, but suddenly that isn’t as important anymore. But not important compared to what?