How I’ve Made It Through

I've seen horrors. Horror after horror in this life. I'm sure I'll see many more before it's all said and done. Some of those horrors were real, most were imagined. Sitting there, assaulted by hypothetical after hypothetical, thinking I could possibly know how others felt about me---thinking I could understand the unpredictable intricacies of cause … Continue reading How I’ve Made It Through

Balancing the Scales: Guanyin, Meditation, & Bipolar Disorder

Sometimes, I forget that I have bipolar disorder. Sometimes the shifts and swings are so gradual and nuanced, so smoothed out by practice that I don't even notice them. Other times, well, they're front and center. They rampage, they grip me like a vice. Monday night was great. I was up, I felt so energized … Continue reading Balancing the Scales: Guanyin, Meditation, & Bipolar Disorder

Comparisons

We can't define ourselves, others, and life based on comparisons because there's always another side to it that calls BS. Even my lifelong depression takes a hit when I ask, "Depressed compared to what? Anxious compared to what?"

Who am I when I suspend these comparisons? What do I feel? What do I want? Am I suddenly a happy, handsome, famous writer? No, but suddenly that isn't as important anymore. But not important compared to what?

Journey to the Loony Bin {Part Three}

"So, I just sat there for hours and hours---waiting. Nothing ever happened; the train never came." Her arms were wrapped from shoulder to wrist. We sat there in the common area displaying our war-wounds; battle-scars accumulated in the struggle against ourselves. "I found out later that those tracks had been abandoned for years." Like any … Continue reading Journey to the Loony Bin {Part Three}

A Lineage of Suffering

I belong to a lineage of suffering. It stretches far, far back into pre-history. This lineage is defined by depression, anxiety, obsessions, delusions, and hallucinations. It's a lineage of mental illness. It's passed down through families, and actualized through experiences. I have cyclothymia, also called Bipolar Disorder III. Well, that's the diagnosis anyway and it … Continue reading A Lineage of Suffering