I'm in love with the coldAnd the forgetful winter sky. Silence abounds, only warriorsRemain here. Reaching into the snow,An enso appears. In a flash of nowhereEnergy, I stomp on it and laugh at myCluelessness. Walking, the crunchingPlays rhythms of a time when woodWas heat and dinner an arrow.Eyes across the tundra field,I sing without next or … Continue reading Breaking Through Fear
"Fuck, I'm the Charles Bukowski of Zen---minus the sexism." The back porch was warm after a half hour sit. The cats we're fostering looked at me like I was an extraterrestrial lifeform. It was a decent sit. Returning to the simple, the bare bones, has been good. Tossing aside my academic Buddhist reading and writing … Continue reading My God, I’m Turning Into Bukowski!
On this day that we're commanded to turn our minds toward community and gratitude, I find myself sorrowful. Of course I can't share that with my loved ones. It's that ancient sadness, have you ever felt it? Vast and impersonal. An unexpected twist on the urge to be part of something "greater than oneself." It … Continue reading Thanksgiving Malaise
Sometimes, I forget that I have bipolar disorder. Sometimes the shifts and swings are so gradual and nuanced, so smoothed out by practice that I don't even notice them. Other times, well, they're front and center. They rampage, they grip me like a vice. Monday night was great. I was up, I felt so energized … Continue reading Balancing the Scales: Guanyin, Meditation, & Bipolar Disorder
"The first step is to stop trying to escape our pain but to see it as part of the whole, to see its natural beauty. There's a beauty to shadows, isn't there? And when you see a shadow, that means there's a light somewhere."
We were in the break room. They were on break, I was already done with mine, but I was in an insubordinate mood. Her brother offered me some Jolly Ranchers. We were discussing the merits of various flavors when he said, "You can give it back if you don't like it, you won't hurt my … Continue reading Shore Leave from Shadowland
Part two of the series about the time I went crazy and had myself committed.