Breaking Through Fear

I'm in love with the coldAnd the forgetful winter sky. Silence abounds, only warriorsRemain here. Reaching into the snow,An enso appears. In a flash of nowhereEnergy, I stomp on it and laugh at myCluelessness. Walking, the crunchingPlays rhythms of a time when woodWas heat and dinner an arrow.Eyes across the tundra field,I sing without next or … Continue reading Breaking Through Fear

My God, I’m Turning Into Bukowski!

"Fuck, I'm the Charles Bukowski of Zen---minus the sexism." The back porch was warm after a half hour sit. The cats we're fostering looked at me like I was an extraterrestrial lifeform. It was a decent sit. Returning to the simple, the bare bones, has been good. Tossing aside my academic Buddhist reading and writing … Continue reading My God, I’m Turning Into Bukowski!

Thanksgiving Malaise

On this day that we're commanded to turn our minds toward community and gratitude, I find myself sorrowful. Of course I can't share that with my loved ones.  It's that ancient sadness, have you ever felt it? Vast and impersonal. An unexpected twist on the urge to be part of something "greater than oneself." It … Continue reading Thanksgiving Malaise

Balancing the Scales: Guanyin, Meditation, & Bipolar Disorder

Sometimes, I forget that I have bipolar disorder. Sometimes the shifts and swings are so gradual and nuanced, so smoothed out by practice that I don't even notice them. Other times, well, they're front and center. They rampage, they grip me like a vice. Monday night was great. I was up, I felt so energized … Continue reading Balancing the Scales: Guanyin, Meditation, & Bipolar Disorder

Shore Leave from Shadowland

We were in the break room. They were on break, I was already done with mine, but I was in an insubordinate mood. Her brother offered me some Jolly Ranchers. We were discussing the merits of various flavors when he said, "You can give it back if you don't like it, you won't hurt my … Continue reading Shore Leave from Shadowland