The mind is like a pair of shoes. We wear them all the time, but we’re not usually all that aware of them.
They pick up bits and pieces of the places we go. Sand, dirt, mud, dust, shit, and piss—whatever we step in, we pick up. If we don’t pay attention, then our shoes can get pretty fucking dirty.
The mind is like that. It picks up and holds onto things from our experiences. They’re not positive or negative, that depends on how we look at them. Dirt is just dirt, it’s not good or bad. It’s only bad because we wish it wasn’t there.
That said, it’s alright for it be bad. Practice isn’t about becoming some kind of emotionless brick. It’s about seeing emotions as they are: Just This.
It’s alright to feel, and it’s imperative to take time to feel. Sometimes we need to breakdown, sometimes we need to shout or shiver. Sometimes we’ve gotta be real, naked to ourselves if not others. We can’t deal with our baggage if we’re habituated to the weight.
It’s easy to ignore our feelings, to keep going in an A to B mindset, but then our minds get bogged down by things until something suddenly, and painfully, points that out to us.
I still linger at times over my lost love, the unanswered questions, the formless future. I don’t know where I’m going, I have no plans. Sometimes that’s beautiful, sometimes it’s ugly, mostly it just is.
No amount of meditation will make you inhuman, nor should it. What it will do is allow you to endure, accept, and be aware of where you step.