My Path is fuuuuucked up. If you can, I recommend taking a sturdy view and method as your own up until you don’t need them anymore.
I can’t do that, because I cling way too much to such things. I always have. And I’m like a dog with a bone with this shit. I zero in on it, obsess over it. So all the established “form” practices don’t work for me, they just reinforce my confusion. The same goes for doctrine.
Even the basic Buddhist view, “All things are impermanent,” is too much for me. I’ll take it and run with it for miles. You’ve seen it happen time and again throughout these posts. I’ve pondered deleting all the false starts, but someone might find them useful. To me, many of them are like yesterday’s dream.
I have to travel light, and use “formless” methods. Literally no discernible technique, nothing I could write a manual about. Even concentrating on the breath steers me off course.
And then there’s the pain, the resurgent humanity. All that pain. If there was any other way that didn’t end in me sitting in a pile of rubble, I’d take it in an instant. But, fuck no, I have to just be this John person I’ve spent my whole life trying to augment and avoid.
A friend told me all of this is truly Zen, but I can’t say for sure. I only know that I’ll never get to Bodhi if I think I can get to it.
So, I hope you’re not like me, that you can walk that established Way. If you can, then these posts are basically a view of how the other half lives – an experiment of sorts.
If you are like me, well, much love to you. Hope ya like mazes and caves.